random stuff

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nice landing....

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Q. What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A. A northern fairytale begins, ....'Once upon a time...'
A southernfairytale begins,... 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit.'

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[Ron Sower]

Too funny for words!

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The Will

Doug Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near.
His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him.
He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:




?My son, "Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses."
?My daughter "Sybil, you take the apartments over in the east end."
?My son, "Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City Centre."
?"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the banks of the river."



The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings, and as Doug slips away, the nurse says, "Mrs. Smith, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property".







Sarah replies, "Property ? .... the asshole had a paper route!"

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(Reuters) - Ask police in Portland, Oregon, why the chicken crossed the road, and law enforcement has no idea either.

In an unusual release, the Portland Police Bureau said officers were dispatched this week to a report of a chicken crossing a rush-hour highway in the city's Linnton district after a caller said the bird was causing a traffic hazard.

In a statement entitled in part "Officers Unable to Determine Chicken's Intent," it said police were unable to locate the bird, but that animals in the roadway were no laughing matter.

They also released audio of the tip-off, in which the caller assures a dispatcher that "this is actually not a prank call."

Police Spokesman Sergeant Pete Simpson said officers regularly tend to duck crossings, and have been known to rescue ducklings from storm drains. But he said it was the first time they had received a serious call about a chicken trying to cross a road.

Officers will remain on the lookout for the bird, he said.

http://www.reuters.com/article/2014/08/15/us-usa-oregon-chicken-idUSKBN0GF22Y20140815

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..obedience....

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Hauling A$$.....zounds!!!!!!!!

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I want one !!!!!....yeeeeeee haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

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Ok...a border line pic.....but it's funny...LOLOLOLOLOL....

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An Irish Priest was transferred to Texas

Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new west Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station.

Sergeant Jones answered the phone, "Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"

"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann's Catholic Church. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?"

Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the foreign accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father, replied, "Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!"

There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.

Father O'Malley then replied, "Aye, 'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call."

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LOL....I've seen these too...LOL