How long before it's us?

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Borowitz Report
Obama Pays Mexico Five Billion Dollars to Keep Donald Trump
By Andy Borowitz , August 31, 2016

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)?President Barack Obama defended his decision on Wednesday to issue a payment of five billion dollars to Mexico to compel that nation to retain custody of Donald J. Trump.

The payment, which will be delivered to the Mexican government in hard American currency by Wednesday afternoon, will insure that Trump will remain in Mexico for the rest of his natural life.

?I have been assured by the government of Mexico that Mr. Trump will be well taken care of and, if he proves to be a productive member of their society, will be provided a pathway to Mexican citizenship,? Obama said.

While the transfer of funds to Mexico sparked howls of protest from some Trump supporters, it was hailed by congressional Democrats, as well as by over a hundred Republicans currently running for re?lection, including Arizona Senator John McCain.

The President bristled at the suggestion that paying Mexico to keep Trump was ?reverse ransom? and an extravagant use of taxpayer money. ?There is only one accurate word for this payment: a bargain,? he said.

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 September 1, 2016
Mexican President Says He Made Trump Pay for Lunch
By Andy Borowitz

MEXICO CITY (The Borowitz Report)?The war of words between Donald J. Trump and Mexican President Enrique Pe?a Nieto continued on Thursday as Pe?a Nieto vehemently asserted that he made the Republican Presidential nominee pay for lunch during his visit to Mexico City.

?As soon as we sat down to order, I made it very clear that I had no intention of paying for lunch,? Pe?a Nieto said. ?And when the check arrived, I made absolutely no move to pick it up.?

To support his claim, Pe?a Nieto tweeted out a photo of himself seated at a table with an aggrieved-looking Trump, who appears to be placing an American Express card on top of a restaurant check.

Responding to the Mexican President?s claim, the Trump campaign issued a statement of its own. ?As anyone who has read ?The Art of the Deal? knows, Donald J. Trump is a master negotiator,? the statement began. ?While he did pay for Pe?a Nieto?s lunch, he extracted a commitment from the Mexican President to pick up the check the next time they go to dinner. It?s a well-established fact that dinner is far, far more expensive than lunch. Yet again, Donald Trump entered into a negotiation and won big.?

Minutes after the Trump campaign released its statement, Pe?a Nieto took to Twitter again, where he indicated he had ?no intention? of ever having dinner with Trump.

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It seems that Trump is using campaign funds to line his own pocket. How you ask? By using his own facilities for political functions and to pay himself back out of the campaign funds at ridiculously inflated prices.

He is also using an older jet that burns fuel at the rate of $10,000 per hour. Other candidates have defrayed the cost of their chartered jets by letting the press corps ride along for a fee. But not Trump. And of course campaign funds are being used to pay for this consumption.

[ghonk]

Can you imagine being trapped on a plane  with crazy Donnie boy for several hours,terrifying.

[LizStreithorst]

I decided that it was time to replace my Bernie bumper sticker with a Hillary one.  It won't make me popular down here in Trump country.  Having a Bernie one is bad enough but having a Hillary one will be seen as consorting with Satan.  Oh well   I treat everyone with respect regardless of their political leanings.  If they can't do the same with me, it's their problem. 

Same as I did with my Bernie T shirt I bought the "pride" Hillary bumper because with all the rainbow colors it is the prettiest one.  I'm not gay but I don't give a rat's if they think I am.  I'm more concerned about Charlotte being harmed in some way because I'm for Hillary.

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Bette Midler

"So, Donald Trump says he?s going to fire all of our military?s generals. Where is he going to get all new ones? The General Store?"

...nyuk nyuk nyuk...

[LizStreithorst]

I'm sure he can find as many qualified generals that meet his standards as he wants at Dollar General.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pYtkQTe0V2g

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..sound familiar...

[BallAquatics]

LOL  Trump is such an obnoxious contemptible person that he makes Hillary look good in comparison.  LOL

Dennis

[waterboy]

Funny, I was thinking just the opposite.

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Funny, I was thinking just the opposite.

LOL..if it was the opposite, it wouldn't be funny....