What should I do?

[Mir]

Sorry to bore you all with my lame stories, but anyway, I wanted advice on something...

Okay, so there's this girl I'm friends with on Facebook. She loves animals and knows everything about taking care of rats and puppies but next to nothing about fish. She posted a pic of her tank and commented how her fish keep dying so I asked her a few questions. She has a 30 gal with some GloFish, a "catfish", and a "dragonfish"...... and a comet goldfish. I told her the glofish need a bigger school and the catfish will too if it's a smaller one like a cory. The glofish died and I asked her about cycling her tank and she said she hadn't done it so I told her not to get more fish and let it cycle first so they don't keep dying. She said she knows the goldfish will outgrow her tank and she has a friend with a pond to put it in when it gets bigger. She said she's "always kept goldfish in warm water" and had no problem but left the heater low at 74. I told her to just turn it up a bit anyway for the sake of the tropicals and just keep the water well aerated. She said she would. Then later that day she posted a pic with two new guppies. She said she went to get her water tested and I figured I'd just not say anything because two gups won't be too much of a bioload so I just complimented them and said they were pretty.

But today after all this she just posted another pic of her tank and now she has like three parrot cichlids and a pleco! WTF? Should I say something about it? She's a really nice person and I don't want to hurt her feelings but her ignorance is gonna kill some more fish if she doesn't just stop. What should I do? If I tell her, what's a nice way to do so? I basically already was as nice and not-attacking as I could be... I don't know her very well and I don't want it to seem like some little kid is just telling her what to do...

[Ron Sower]

MIR, Don't think I'm being rude when I repeat an age-old adage here, but it might be what you're dealing with... You can't fix stupid!  When I realize that about someone, I don't try to fix it any more.  Save yourself some grief, Pal!
Ron

[b125killer]

First off don't think your boring us with you stories. It's always good to talk with you.
I have a coworker that has a 55 gallon tank that has 2 angelfish, electric blue cichlids, a common pleco, two parrot chiclids three koi gold fish a commet goldfish and two frogs and he keeps asking me if i'll give him some of my angels. I keep trying to tell him that his fish aren't compatible and his tank is over stocked but he doesn't care and want's my angels. I have seen his tank and it's appalling. I'm not sure how anything could live in such filth. I asked him when the last time he did a water change. he looked at me like I was stupid. I told him that if he wants any of my fish he needs to learn proper care for his. and that the angles are my pet project that I'm trying to breed them. I wasn't mean about it but I did let him know that I would help if he wants to make things better for his fish. after that he doesn't talk about his fish anymore.
I had to learn that people will do what they want no matter if it's right or wrong. Like Ron said You can't fix stupid!

[Mugwump]

nope......some folks never get it, and don't want to put in effort into 'getting it'....

[Mir]

haha thanks.... but it's so annoying and sad to not be able to fix stupid! At least she has a filter and stuff....I guess it could be worse. I still wish I could do something! :/

[Frank The Plumber]

Next time she asks you something about fish tell her you don't know. I wouldn't put much time into this one. If you think long term from a male perspective you may actually end up married with kids if you really liked this gal. If she can't take a bit of advice and guidance on a couple of fish..you are most likely not going to want her raising junior. Spend your time on ones that have a bit more smarter...er.

[Mugwump]

Next time she asks you something about fish tell her you don't know. I wouldn't put much time into this one. If you think long term from a male perspective you may actually end up married with kids if you really liked this gal. If she can't take a bit of advice and guidance on a couple of fish..you are most likely not going to want her raising junior. Spend your time on ones that have a bit more smarter...er.

er Frank....her names Miranda......LOL....

[LizStreithorst]

I always wait for them to come to me for advice.  When they come to me I know that they are ready to take it.

[Mir]

Next time she asks you something about fish tell her you don't know. I wouldn't put much time into this one. If you think long term from a male perspective you may actually end up married with kids if you really liked this gal. If she can't take a bit of advice and guidance on a couple of fish..you are most likely not going to want her raising junior. Spend your time on ones that have a bit more smarter...er.

er Frank....her names Miranda......LOL....

Hahahaha thanks Jon

[BillT]

In some ways this reminds me of the problems of having someone else feed your fish. Often an inexperienced person will throw in too much food. This person is throwing in too many fish (in poor combinations also).

You don't have to be stupid to do things like this. I have had similar problems with "smart" people with PhDs in biology who did not understand some basic aspect of aquatic care (usually involving water quality/biological filtration) who would just not take the time to learn something outside of their current realm of knowledge. An example would be a guy I knew who would set up a tank to keep zebrafish, did not have the biofilter well established before putting fish in, got bad water quality which resulted in getting sick fish, and then treatd the tank with antibiotics which killed the biofilter. After the fish died, he would clean out the tank and repeat (several times). He would neither listen to my suggestions, nor follow quarantine procedures. Eventually he was not allowed to use the quarantined fish room (which I ran) and did not get any of my fish to use.
This guy was not dumb, but he did not want to take the time/energy to focus his efforts on dealing with this problem which probably seemed rather insignificant to him compares to the other stuff he was doing.

Rather than "stupid", I often try to use one of Bugs Bunny's favorite words "maroon", a less inflammatory stand in for moron. Blockhead might also be appropriate.

[LizStreithorst]

This is my evil twin speaking Mr. Mir  Not me   You could offer to meet her somewhere and when she gets there throw putrid fish water on her and see how SHE likes it.

Seriously, wait for them to come to you.  You can't help them if they aren't looking for help. 

[Frank The Plumber]

Next time she asks you something about fish tell her you don't know. I wouldn't put much time into this one. If you think long term from a male perspective you may actually end up married with kids if you really liked this gal. If she can't take a bit of advice and guidance on a couple of fish..you are most likely not going to want her raising junior. Spend your time on ones that have a bit more smarter...er.

er Frank....her names Miranda......LOL....

I know a few gals with a male perspective. It's all good.

[Mir]

hm... well like I said, I don't know her very well. she lives relatively far away. the reason I'm friends with her is because she adopted some rats from me and she sometimes shows me pics/updates of them over FB. I don't want to be mean cause she's a really nice person, just ignorant about the nitrogen cycle and such, lol. it's not like she's rudely blatantly refusing advice.

Bill, that's a sad story...
Frank, no problem. I identify myself as female if that's what you were getting at. Rest assured I am nowhere near thinking about getting married... to either gender. This girl is quite a bit older than myself and is already married.  She also already has three kids, one with autism, and manages them very well and generally takes fabulous care of all her human and animal children... she's just new to fish. xO  But it is still nice to see things from multiple perspectives, I guess.... ?

[BallAquatics]

I know a few gals with a male perspective.

I love that!  What a wonderful turn of phrase!  I'll have to file that for future reference.....

Dennis