random stuff

[Mugwump]

[Mugwump]

A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi all served as Chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University at Marquette in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.

They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.

One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard, a real challenge would be to preach to a bear.

One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it to their religion.

Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experiences.

Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first.

'Well,' he said, 'I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism.

Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The Bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.'

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip.

In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he exclaimed, 'WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we Baptists don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me.

So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTI ZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus. Hallelujah!

The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape.

The Rabbi looked up and said: "Looking back on it, ....circumcision may not have been the best way to start..."

[Ron Sower]

Now that's a good one!

[Mugwump]

Neil Armstrong........ priceless!

ON JULY 20, 1969, AS COMMANDER OF THE APOLLO 11 LUNAR
MODULE, NEIL ARMSTRONG WAS THE FIRST PERSON TO SET FOOT ON
THE MOON.

HIS FIRST WORDS AFTER STEPPING ON THE MOON, "THAT'S ONE
SMALL STEP FOR MAN, ONE GIANT LEAP FOR MANKIND," WERE
TELEVISED TO EARTH AND HEARD BY MILLIONS.*

BUT JUST BEFORE HE RE-ENTERED THE LANDER, HE MADE THE
ENIGMATIC REMARK


"GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY."
MANY PEOPLE AT NASA THOUGHT IT WAS A CASUAL REMARK
CONCERNING SOME RIVAL
SOVIET COSMONAUT. HOWEVER, UPON CHECKING, THERE WAS NO
GORSKY IN EITHER THE RUSSIAN OR AMERICAN SPACE PROGRAMS .

OVER THE YEARS, MANY PEOPLE QUESTIONED ARMSTRONG AS TO WHAT
THE - 'GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY' STATEMENT MEANT, BUT
ARMSTRONG ALWAYS JUST SMILED.
ON JULY 5, 1995, IN TAMPA BAY, FLORIDA , WHILE ANSWERING
QUESTIONS FOLLOWING
A SPEECH, A REPORTER BROUGHT UP THE 26-YEAR-OLD QUESTION
ABOUT MR GORSKY TO
ARMSTRONG.

THIS TIME HE FINALLY RESPONDED BECAUSE MR. GORSKY HAD DIED,
SO NEIL ARMSTRONG FELT HE COULD NOW ANSWER THE QUESTION.
HERE IS THE ANSWER TO "WHO WAS MR GORSKY":


IN 1938, WHEN HE WAS A KID IN A SMALL MID-WESTERN TOWN , HE
WAS PLAYING
BASEBALL WITH A FRIEND IN THE BACKYARD. HIS FRIEND HIT THE
BALL, WHICH LANDED IN HIS NEIGHBOUR'S YARD BY THEIR BEDROOM
WINDOW.

HIS NEIGHBOURS WERE MR. AND MRS. GORSKY. AS HE LEANED DOWN
TO PICK UP THE
BALL, YOUNG ARMSTRONG HEARD MRS. GORSKY SHOUTING AT MR.
GORSKY,

"SEX! YOU WANT SEX?! YOU'LL GET SEX WHEN THE KID NEXT DOOR
WALKS ON THE MOON!"


It broke the place up.

NEIL ARMSTRONG'S FAMILY CONFIRMED THIS IS A TRUE STORY.

[Mugwump]

[Mugwump]

[Mugwump]

[Mugwump]

nice boat...

[Mugwump]

[Mugwump]

[Mugwump]

Abe & Esther

Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 50th anniversary.
Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm afraid I have some very bad news... Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!"

tks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.



An hour later Abe turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay our VISA and MasterCard bills yet?"


"No, sweetheart," she responds.


Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Esther, did we pay our American Express card yet?"


"Oh, no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the check," she says.


"One last thing Esther. Did you remember to send the estimated earnings check to the IRS this quarter?" he asks.


"Oh, forgive me, Abe," begged Esther. "I didn't send that one, either."


Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years.


Esther pulls away and asks him, "What was that for?"


Abe answers, "They'll find us!"

[Mugwump]

Last Kiss

Back on November 9th, a group of Oakland, CA Bikers were riding north on Hwy 101 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge , so they stopped.

George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the CHP officer who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says, "Hey Baby.....whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?"

She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!"



While he didn't want to appear "sensitive,"  George also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend" opportunity either so he asked ..."Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe...why don't you give ole George here your best last kiss?"

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that...and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.



After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the CHP officer, and then says,  "Wow!  That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey!  That's a real talent you're wasting, Sugar Shorts.  You could be famous if you rode with me.  Why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing like a girl."



It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed.

[BallAquatics]

You'll have a job topping those last two Jon.  Very funny.

Dennis

[wsantia1]

That biker one was real funny.

[JR]

He was pushed